I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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