We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
