I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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