toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
