Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
