He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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