My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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