I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
