i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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