I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
