Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
