Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
