I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
