that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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