Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
