They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
