You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
