Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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