I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
