My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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