once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
