6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
