Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
