You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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