i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
