Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
