Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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