my shit smells like andre
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
