omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
