I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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