whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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