Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
