Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
