It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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