Non-Jews are for practice
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
