Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
