What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
