Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
