I just made out with a guy for $7.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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