Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
