apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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