Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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