i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
