Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
