My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
