**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
