He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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