i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
