Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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