Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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