You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
