if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
