so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i've created a new STD.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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