White coat. Heels.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
