Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
