Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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