So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
