that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
