I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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