She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
