just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
