I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
