Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
