sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
