In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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