Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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