This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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