A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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