his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
