I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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